Three weeks ago I read Nay Dawson’s courageous account of her time as a former UCCF team leader. In the article, she apologizes for her role in adopting harmful HR policies; for not asking questions when the Christian union employees suddenly disappeared; for not being willing to risk the repercussions of further investigation; to transform ministry into performance; for turning performance issues into reasons for dismissal; for dismissals disguised as resignations by mutual agreement.
The flashbacks were heartbreaking…but I’ll start at the beginning.
I arrived at the University of Nottingham in September 2000 and joined the Christian Union (CU). What followed was ten years of total commitment to the UCCF vision. From UC member to UC leader, then UCCF volunteer liaison, and eventually (with a brief break to train as a teacher), to UC staff employee. Two brilliant years followed. I loved student ministry and spending my time encouraging students to share Jesus. I considered my job a privilege.
And then came a meeting with a senior UCCF executive. My world collapsed.
My team leader had resigned from her position and, as her replacement was newly appointed, it was decided that my end-of-year review would take place with a senior manager.
He tried to convince me that it was best for everyone if I left at the end of the year
The prospect was daunting, although I had no reason to be nervous. All my supervision and feedback has been extremely positive. I had great relationships with the UCs I served, worked hard to build relationships with local churches, and watched students grow in their love for Jesus.
Additionally, a few months earlier, my previous team leader had encouraged me to apply for her position. As far as I knew, I was fine.
But during my review meeting, this senior leader questioned my abilities as a staff member, whether my personality fit the position, and ultimately whether I was capable of helping students get the word out Jesus in the context in which I worked. He tried to convince me. that it was better for everyone if I left at the end of the year. In the stress and shock of the meeting, I found myself accepting its premises. I would resign and my contract would be terminated.
I felt like I had been fired. I began to dissect his reasons and question them.
Looking back, I probably should have fought harder, but I was inexperienced. I was a permanent employee with legal rights. People with HR experience at the time suggested that I had good reason to warrant constructive dismissal. But the encounter had left me totally confused and questioning my own understanding of the situations I had faced. Had I not worked hard enough? Had I not organized my time well? Do I have fundamental weaknesses that were preventing me from doing the job? Had I ignored my team leader’s advice? Have I not served Jesus well in the role He gave me?
I was lost.
A culture of silence
What followed was one of the most difficult times of my life. I wish someone had told me that legally I could have submitted my notice immediately, but I was young and didn’t know my rights. Instead, I dutifully completed my third year under extremely difficult circumstances. I had a new team leader, but he was told I was leaving “for the good of the department.” He raised very few questions and accepted the decision as the right one.
This culture of silence has become a theme. The most heartbreaking aspect for me was the lack of process and meaningful performance management. If I was really bad at my job, this reality would surely have manifested itself sooner. I should have had the opportunity to hear the feedback, respond to it, and seek to improve. But the decision was made and there was no going back.
It was completely scary.
I struggled to understand what had happened and how to move forward. Even though I spent many hours at home crying and making “fightback speeches,” I went to work every day and tried to respond to the criticism that this senior leader had leveled at me. I even remember a time when I surprised him at a conference and told him what I was doing. He seemed to respond with little interest.
Looking back it seems so hopeless, but I was adamant that he would realize the injustice of this decision which even today appears to have been arbitrary. I wrote a six-page letter, laying out evidence that the decision made no sense, but in a subsequent meeting with those involved, this issue was not really considered. The decision was made. The ground had been removed from beneath me.
I loved student ministry and spending my time encouraging students to share Jesus.
When I left UCCF in August 2011 (after an email from HR reminding me to send my resignation letter!), it was with a feeling of great disappointment and sadness. Since then, I have been told that I handled the year with great dignity. But the truth is, I spent the year trying to protect UCCF. I was so reluctant to be the one to destroy the trust of others in this organization whose ministry I was so passionate about.
In reality, it has probably only fueled the culture of silence and that is why some of these serious issues are only just beginning to come to light. I also learned that other members of my team tried to raise the situation with my new team leader, but were told it was none of their business.
I do not write now in a spirit of bitterness. However, I believe it is right that bad practices be exposed, that a sincere and personal apology be offered by those who were involved, and that those who were hurt can heal, with all the truth at their disposal.
Read the exclusive story on Premier Christian News: “Document Reveals Methods Used to Get Rid of UCCF Student Ministry Staff‘
In a statement responding to this story, UCCF said: “We have fully accepted the findings of a recent independent investigation, specifically acknowledging the failures related to the termination of UC employees’ contracts…We have apologized Public disclosure to all concerned for past failures and have changed our employment practices.
