Over the past year, the body that oversees Christian unions in the UK, the UCCF, has faced a problem internal investigation linked to two of their managers and possible violations of labor law.
In October 2023, the organization released a statement explaining the survey results. It read: “The Trustees and Trustees unreservedly apologize to those employees whose experiences did not live up to what they had a right to expect from UCCF, as well as for the harm caused”.
In the days that followed, five directors all resigned from their positions.
My story
I have worked for UCCF for almost 18 years in various capacities. It took me a long time to realize that a proper apology was desperately needed.
What is a real apology? Author and researcher Wade Mullen says, “Sometimes apologies are mere concessions, statements made to avoid scandal, rather than genuine apologies intended to heal and restore. » He continues: “There are several types of concessions. Concessions which; condemn, appease, excuse, justify, promote, and ask for sympathy. But what is an apology? Simply put, apologies are specific words for action and taking responsibility.
I really loved UCCF. I was a leader of my Christian Union at university, a member of their student council, a Relay volunteer, then I started as a staff employee. I was passionate about vision and that was all I wanted to do.
Fast forward a few years to 2006 and I started as the Southeast team leader. My primary role was to lead and care for the team of staff and volunteers in the area. I’m ashamed to say I didn’t do this very well.
By now I was totally convinced of the importance of UCCF to the university, to Britain and to the world. I knew the history of the UCCF, the role it had in British evangelicalism, I knew that UCs were instrumental in strengthening Bible-believing churches and I knew that our summer teams were of utmost importance in encouraging mission beyond the UK.
I see now that the urgency of our mission and the importance of our role have led to an arrogance in my heart. I had lost my humility. I firmly believed that the UCCF was THE place to minister and nothing else came close. The University needed the UCCF, British evangelicalism needed the UCCF, the world needed the UCCF, and I was ready.
So when I started to notice that things weren’t quite right, I was so deep. I felt I couldn’t – and so I didn’t – ask questions.
Stay silent
Shortly after starting as a team leader, I was asked about a staff member who had recently resigned.
“Why didn’t you ask me why they left?” they said. “It’s none of my business,” I replied.
In return came an approving nod. I knew it was the right answer. That’s where I learned to keep quiet.
I would like to tell you that this is the only time I have heard of someone being moved, directed, put on gardening leave, ultimately fired, but not fired. But that wasn’t the case.
There were rumors that staff left unhappy. They were the type of people who weren’t afraid to ask difficult questions. Whenever someone left like this, it was often shrouded in mystery. If I asked why, the answer was to blame the individual: he wasn’t doing his job, he had gotten distracted by other things and, for the good of the community, it was normal for him to leave. As time went on we didn’t discuss these people, you just knew not to.
Leaving was the only option
Until then, it was always someone else, not someone on my team. But then it happened to my team and not only that, it was me who did it. More than one time.
An employee would struggle in their role. I would normally start by discussing how to help them with their work, but pretty quickly it turned into how and when they should leave.
Our desire for excellence took over how we treated others
People asked me: “How is X?” “. I responded openly, talking about the good things that were happening, but also raising areas of needed development and asking for advice on how to help the staff member. Over time, I realized that this was a mistake, because the speed of the climbing was frightening. Especially if a note or phone call from an influential donor or church leader calls into question staff effectiveness.
You see, an employee had to do a good job. We had to have good employees. The mission of UCCF was so important that if we didn’t have good employees, UCs would go bankrupt and if CUs closed, how would students hear the Gospel?
Our desire for excellence took over how we treated others. Our incredible history was a source of pride, but our reputation became more important than how we treated our staff. So, I would quickly ask for ideas on how to help an employee leave and the prospect of a disciplinary process would be initiated.
I couldn’t figure out how to do it correctly.
At the time, emails were flying seeking advice from the Trust Board. I always felt very uncertain about the speed of the process, but I reassured myself: “they are Christians and professionals, this cannot be wrong”. I tried to make my hesitations clear, but I was afraid to disagree. I asked if the employees really had to leave, but was reassured. It was good for fellowship, good for the gospel, and ultimately good for that person. They will never prosper if they cannot do their job. Being praised for my insight into recognizing a problem early on was particularly effective in allaying my concerns.
After traumatic meetings and exchanges of emails with threats of disciplinary sanctions or dismissal, the employees decided to resign and some were immediately put on “gardening leave”, deemed too “risky”. A potential cause of damage to the reputation of the stock market. This meant they missed their last team training and a chance to process and say goodbye. I am devastated to say that, in my opinion, we have ruined good people. They were humiliated and pushed out the back door.
The decision was rarely theirs
In my opinion, HR procedures have been flirted with just enough to appear authentic, but we have abused the very practices that were supposed to help staff. According to ACAS… “The (disciplinary) procedure should be used primarily to assist and encourage employees to improve rather than simply as a means of imposing a sanction. » Yet at the time I worked, I don’t recall any staff members remaining once this type of disciplinary procedure was in place.
I have seen people managed on my team and many others. But it’s not just those who have endured painful disciplinary action. As recognized in the UCCF statement “it is common for staff to leave their position after three years”. In a later article it was stated that “the decision whether or not to leave employment with UCCF and at what time rests with the employee alone”, but in my experience this was often not the case. The decision whether staff would stay three, four or five years was usually decided before the conversation with them. The reasoning used left many feeling that they were not worthy of being one of UCCF’s essential workers.
The sheer volume of personnel and the scale of the pain caused, in my view, is a far cry from the small number of people who have been recognized as having “caused considerable upheaval”. I know this because I experienced this too and since then, a large number of people have spoken to me to share similar experiences. I’m ashamed to say that it didn’t really hit me until it happened to me. What’s confusing is that I suffered, but I was also complicit.
Say sorry
When the internal investigation began in January 2023, I was determined to contact every member of staff I had worked with. I deeply regretted having taken so many years to do this. I knew what I did was wrong and I wanted to apologize. I asked them to share their experience working with me as a manager. I asked if and how I had hurt them, then apologized.
The process terrified me, I fought against it while defending my actions against myself. At times, I was overcome with shame. Yet, I realized that if I wanted to live as a light in the darkness, this was the only way. One thing I didn’t expect was that their grace towards me led me to a feeling of lightness and freedom that I hadn’t felt in years; for that, I am truly grateful.
I want to publicly apologize for my role in a culture that I now view as unhealthy and harmful to individuals. In my opinion, we forced resignations when staff no longer fit, and we used HR practices to manage people rather than help them grow and improve. What I did was wrong.
I am convinced that the way we treat people says a lot about the God we believe in. Looking back over the last 20 years, I have increasingly had to unlearn what I thought leadership was: excellence over dignity, image over kindness.
Over the past two decades, I have remained silent out of fear, failed to fight for those in my care, failed to confront the wrongs that were happening, and worst of all, allowed them to continue. occur. I treated people like commodities to promote the image of the charity rather than as human beings deserving of their dignity. For this I am truly sorry.
UCCF declined to comment on the issues raised in this article.
