For evangelical Christians, conversations about singleness tend to be predictable. Whether it’s a sermon, a panel discussion, or a conference message, discussions are usually relegated to the topic of how one can escape this season through a romantic relationship or marriage . Singlehood is often presented as a means to an end, but rarely as a valuable end in itself.
Over time, this mindset cultivated a superficial theology of celibacy within the Church. Our disproportionate focus on the escape routes of singleness leaves us unable to convincingly describe the beauty of this season or provide substantial balm for the difficulties it brings. Additionally, we strive to highlight and celebrate all that a single, and often childless, life can teach us about the Christian journey.
This is partly because our reading of Scripture has caused us to elevate our call to physical fruitfulness above our baptismal identity. We have created a hierarchical relationship between marriage and singleness, with marriage holding the place of greatest spiritual maturity and singleness the least. Married men and women are often a source of Christian wisdom for those who are single, but the single season is rarely remembered as a source of wisdom for those who are married. This hierarchy of marital status appears in singles conferences, which frequently feature married speakers, while marriage conferences rarely include single speakers.
To effectively serve a growing population of singles, young and old, we must learn from those who have spent time thinking deeply about their experience of singleness. We need a conversation that centers their voices and provides a vision of how singleness is not just a path to a better life, but a destination where one can thrive and flourish.
Anna Broadway pursues this goal in her book Solo Planet: How singles are helping the Church rediscover our vocation. Through interviews with hundreds of singles from around the world, she curates a conversation that invites all believers to contemplate the complexities of life without marriage in diverse places and cultures.
In its quest to discover the key to a fulfilling single life, Broadway demonstrates how fulfillment is accessible to those who make small, daily choices to meet their need for deep connection and belonging. However, it requires us to dismantle the marital hierarchy we have created and refocus on the calling for which the entire Church, married or single, was designed to fulfill.
Community, celebration and support
Broadway structures her book around the common needs experienced by single people. While some of these needs may not surprise readers, others will. With each glimpse into the lives of the interviewees, Broadway invites readers to observe how the needs reported by singles are not unique to them. Rather, they highlight our common human experience in a fallen world.
Two of the first topics Broadway introduced were community and celebration. Throughout her research, she found that integrated communities between singles and married people were rare. The reasons for this alienation often revolved around questions of value. Marriage was considered superior to celibacy, making single people unnecessary to the social and spiritual well-being of married people.
Schuyler, a British Protestant, summed up what Broadway has heard from many single people: “Celibacy is considered a terrible thing. The goal (is) to get out of this and get married as quickly as possible.” Other interviewees cited cultural factors, such as churches grouping singles into young adult groups and a broader distrust of relationships between singles and married people.
Throughout the book, Broadway interviewees highlight the struggles they faced as second-class citizens within their religious communities. But his extensive research also reveals the beauty and joy that emerged when they formed deep familial bonds with each other and with their married counterparts. Whether it was a regular invitation to a family’s church dinner, the willingness to host an unexpected roommate, or weekly meetings with a small intergenerational group, respondents consistently shared how to Small moments of intentional connection helped create strong community bonds. .
The need for celebration is closely linked to the need for community. When it comes to celebrations, few hold the importance of those related to marriage and children. Thus, Broadway recognizes the difficulty singles have in finding comparable events to celebrate. However, rather than simply offering creative replacements, she challenges us to change the focus of our celebrations by turning to the church calendar. She writes: “These seasons remind us that all Christians, single or married, belong to the family of God. We all have a lot to celebrate. We all have many ways to rejoice and cry together.
The power of the Broadway argument lies in how it goes beyond simply providing an addendum to our existing paradigm of singleness and marriage. With each chapter, she works to break down our dysfunctional perspectives and align them again through the lens of Scripture. By using our identity in Christ as the standard, it frees us from the confines of the marital hierarchy we have created. When we enter into the interconnected nature of our baptismal calling, both single and married people can flourish.
The Broadway interviews offer insight into other common needs, including food, shelter, sexuality, recreation, and emotional health. However, a particularly poignant chapter focuses on single people’s experiences of illness, disability, and death. Through this specific set of stories, many of which involve disability or chronic illness, Broadway highlights how many single people fear suffering or dying alone.
Whether the period of suffering is short or prolonged, many singles ask themselves the same questions asked by Broadway interviewees: Will people Really take care of us? People Really come and be with us in our last days? Kim, an American Protestant living in Moscow, was confronted with this reality when, despite being part of a good church community, she received very few visitors during a hospital stay. In his own words, these few days were “one of the most depressing moments of (his) life”.
For some, friends and family have provided a much-needed lifeline to help them find healing or make a peaceful transition to eternal life with God. Colin, an American Catholic, helped care for his friend Deirdre after her cancer diagnosis. His support included moving in with her to help support her financially and help with shopping. He even planned a final celebration of her life for friends and family when she entered hospice care. Reflecting on the experience, Colin told Broadway, “Whatever state we’re in in life, being able to be there, help him in any way we can and stay by his side until the end, it This is what we are called to do. as disciples. »
Stories like these illustrate the Church’s superpower of interconnection. But exercising it requires commitment, and commitment requires self-sacrificing service. By sharing the stories of single people who have provided or received this type of service, Broadway places them in the role usually reserved for married people, presenting them as guides to the Christian life. Their unceasing commitment to supporting each other models the type of love Jesus calls us to embody for one another.
A change of identity
Diverse in age, gender, and ethnicity, the men and women interviewed by Broadway share the kinds of ideas that can encourage contemplative conversations about singleness. Especially in her section on sexuality and sexual minorities, she gives readers the opportunity to confront complex and multifaceted questions, even if they do not agree with her answers.
However, within a few chapters, I wanted Broadway to invite us into a deeper place of contemplation. While his discussion of emotional health and leisure is helpful, I think there are still valuable lessons to be discovered. A deeper examination of loneliness, shame, and rest could have challenged our understanding of identity and connectedness, helping the Church grow in maturity.
Ultimately, Broadway’s book inspires readers to reflect on their own seasons of life. When we consider the experiences described by hundreds of singles and many married people, a shift in perspective will begin to occur. With each chapter, it becomes clearer that the needs Broadway examines are not solely related to marital status, but rather arise from our shared humanity.
Although our struggles may take different forms, both married and single people struggle to find a sense of identity and belonging. We all want to be known and to know others deeply. The sheer volume of stories shared in this book demonstrates that the key to fulfillment is, in some sense, the same for single and married people. Our ability to thrive is directly linked to how we embrace our unity in Christ.
Colin summed it up so well when he said on Broadway, “(It’s) our baptism that gives us our identity, not our marital status.” »
This baptismal identity reminds us that the fullness of life comes when our life is lived in and for Christ. Singleness is a gift because it offers the opportunity to live in a committed relationship with God and his people. This relationship is meant to be enduring: through all the ups and downs of life, in sickness and in health, in abundance and scarcity, we love each other selflessly. For singles to thrive, they must live in this place of interconnectedness, and for the Church to thrive, it must do so as well.
I hope that one day this will not only be taught within our churches, but believed in wholeheartedly.
Elizabeth Woodson is a writer, Bible teacher, and founder of Woodson Institute. She is the author of Embrace Your Life: How to Find Joy When the Life You Have Isn’t the Life You Hoped for.
