LLet’s take a few minutes to pray together. (CRYING. CRYING. SCREAMING.) “On second thought, we have to go. It’s time for Mia’s nap.
The idea of a small church group sounds great in theory. But week after week it can be frustrating. Perhaps in your small group there are more children than adults. Or you never know who will show up. Or you squirm in your seat every time John gets on a soapbox.
I have been a pastor for 14 years, and for 6 of those years I have been directly involved in small group ministry, where I hear about the same practical obstacles over and over again. Below are the three most frequently asked questions and some options for addressing these challenges in your church.
Childcare
This is the biggest obstacle facing small group leaders and members: What do we do with our young children? There’s no easy answer, but here are several workable ideas.
Hire a babysitter. If each family spends $8 to $10 per meeting and shares their list of babysitters, a group can usually find someone to come watch all the kids for an hour.
Exchange meeting of men and women. Some groups choose to meet three times a month: once as men, once as women, and once as a group. When only women meet, men stay at home with the children, and vice versa. Then the third meeting is primarily a bonding time and the kids can get in on the action.
Swap sitting tasks. If a group includes several families involved (five or more), a good alternative is to alternate the couples who provide the session. Each week, a couple watches all the children while the other adults meet and talk. This can happen in different homes, or in the same house, using different rooms. In this model, there is no need to pay or depend on a caretaker.
Include children. If the children in the group are in elementary school or older, I suggest involving them in the group, at least occasionally. It is important that children grow up seeing the Church as family and seeing themselves as part of the current Church, not just the “future of the Church.” Adolescents can learn to dialogue with adults, and younger children can be invited to share their fears, successes or excitement about events happening at school or church.
Commitment and presence
After childcare, this is the most common problem I hear from group leaders: “How do I get people to consistently show up?” I have four suggestions.
Decide on the highest value in your group. If your group wants to be outward-facing, that is, invite new people to join, use the group to raise community awareness and multiply groups, then you will need to have a critical mass of cohesive people and mature. If your priority is creating deeper relationships, that is, you want this group of people to become closer friends and strive together to follow Jesus together, you will need to be upfront about your expectations for depth of relationship.
Complete a group alliance. I urge all new groups to agree on their values and expectations for engagement soon after the group is formed. Among other things you might want in a group alliance, one of them should be presence.
Review attendance and engagement once or twice a year. I recommend that all groups extend an off-ramp once a year, preferably in late summer. Simply say, “Next month, I think we should review our group alliance. Give it some thought and consider whether you want to commit to another year with this group, or whether you should try something different this season.
Schedule meetings in advance. The two best ways to do this are: (1) agree on a regular rotation so that the group’s next meeting is never a mystery, or (2) at the end of each meeting, confirm your next two gathering times .
Conversation Dominators
Many groups have at least one “too talkative”. This may be the person who wants to give good advice but speaks too soon and too simplistically. Or the person who takes on the role of therapist when someone shares a struggle. Maybe someone in your group tends to interject or talk more than listen. Here are some quick tips to help you in these situations.
Choose. Instead of asking the whole group a question, call out to someone: “Suzanne, what do you think? You can also start a question like this: “Let’s go around the room and each take 60 seconds to answer this question. »
Interrupt. “I know I’m interrupting, but I want to hear what Suzanne has to say.” It’s counterintuitive, but letting people know you’re interrupting them is more polite than interrupting them secretly.
Thank them. If you feel too intimidated to interrupt, wait for a subtle pause and say, “I liked what you said about ___. Who else has a comment? Many people who talk too much are simply verbal processors who have a habit of never finishing a sentence. When they come to the end of a thought, they signal to everyone that they are still speaking, perhaps by increasing the inflection of their voice so as not to sound like they are concluding a thought, or adding a filler word (“so…”) to stop the next person from jumping in. Take advantage of these subtle pauses!
Non-verbal cues. Leaning in and using your hands or facial expressions can suggest that you want to say something. I often look around the room for someone who is obviously waiting for an opportunity to speak, and I will show it that way. Everyone turns and the conversation naturally changes.
Compete offline. This is never fun and should be done gently. However, if the overall group dynamic is suffering, it may be necessary for you to speak privately with the conversation leader.
If these suggestions fail to resolve a tension in your group, consult your pastor or anyone who oversees small groups in your congregation, who will likely know the people in your group personally and may have other practical suggestions specific to your situation .
Nik Schatz is executive pastor of Hershey Free Church in Hershey, Pennsylvania. He holds a ThM from Dallas Theological Seminary and a DMin from Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary.
