According to a recent Gallup poll, 71% of Americans are thinking about same-sex “marriage.” should be legaland 64% think gay or lesbian relationships are morally acceptable. These numbers are double what they were a generation ago. Among those who attend church weekly, 41% support same-sex “marriage,” while 67% of those who attend church less frequently do so.
How is it that so many people, including so many members of the Church, now embrace a view of marriage that was unthinkable just a few decades ago?
Long before the Supreme Court’s decision in Obergefell v. Hodges, the case that legalized same-sex unions as “marriages,” the meaning of marriage was already fraying. This was due to a multitude of cultural factors, but perhaps none more important than birth control. The invention and widespread acceptance of the “pill” in the 20th century finally broke down what had long been considered a blanket agreement: marriage, sex, and children. The only way for sex to be morally separate from marriage was to detach it from the good and natural consequences of a new life. As a result, extramarital sex has been destigmatized and, further, sexual pleasure and romance have replaced commitment and children as the defining characteristics of marriage.
Hollywood also helped. The definitive sitcoms of the 1980s were family-oriented. In the 90s, shows like Sex and the city And Friends depicts an idealized, hyper-sexual, hyper-romantic and commitment-free world. Movies and shows introduced viewers to what Dr. Thaddeus Williams called the “cult of self,” where “following your heart” is the highest purpose in life. In a culture drunk on these ideals, the gay rights movement’s stupid and blatantly false slogan, “love is love,” took on its full meaning.
Digital technologies have largely added fuel to the fire. “New media,” the combination of the Internet, social media, and smartphones, has accelerated changing views on marriage and sex. As author Samuel James noted, the online world has placed users at the center of the universe and given them “unlimited freedom to make their fantasy a reality.” This power reinforced and encouraged libertarian views on sex and marriage by placing pleasure and romance not at the center of marriage, but at the center of the self.
In these cultural waters, the legalization of same-sex marriage was inevitable. The landmark 2015 decision reflected what many already believed. Marriage is all about romance, pleasure and personal fulfillment. Children are optional. If marriage is not fundamentally linked to procreation, why limit it to two people of the opposite sex? And, in the inevitable next stage we are currently living in, why limit it to just two people?
Law is also a teacher. When something is legal, it becomes more socially acceptable. The decision of the Supreme Court in Oberfell not only did it reflect cultural beliefs, but it also disseminated them. This explains the growing acceptance of homosexuality and same-sex “marriage,” both within and outside the Church. Although a majority of those who faithfully attend church remain true to the Christian view of marriage between one man and one woman, it is a shrinking majority.
This is due to the same upstream factors. Many American Christians have not thought about the inherent connection between sex, marriage, and children. Most use digital as much and in the same way as the rest of culture. We all live in the post-Oberfell a time when a bad decision teaches us wrong ideas.
This is not the first time that the Church has been plagued by bad ideas about marriage. Early Christians struggled to understand and live out the meaning of marriage amid the blatant immorality of Roman culture. Paul addressed these concerns in his epistles, urging believers to reject false ideas and instead fix their eyes on Christ. He appealed, like Jesus, to a vision of marriage based on God’s created design. The marital relationship is anchored in the structure of the world. It cannot be replaced or redefined. In fact, it is a sacred mystery it ultimately points to Christ and the Church. For the life of the world and the Church, Christians must continue to consider it as such.
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This Breakpoint was co-written by Jared Hayden. For more resources for living like a Christian in this cultural moment, visit breakpoint.org.
