There are several misconceptions that young Christians have about what godly Christian dating should look like, according to popular Christian YouTube star Tovares Gray, co-founder of “Divine Encounters 101” YouTube channel with over 50,000 subscribers.
Gray joined ex-porn star Brittni De La Mora and her pastor husband, Richard De La Mora, for a recent episode from their podcast “Let’s Talk Purity”. He explained that while physical attraction is important when Christians are looking for a romantic partner, outward appearance should not be the priority.
“I believe that God wants to give you the desires of your heart. I just think that a lot of times we go into this pursuit of marriage with a bit of a carnal mindset. Because if I only think about appearance, so it’s easy for me to jump in and date the wrong person and not realize how wrong it is until much later,” Gray advised.
Gray said it is essential that Christians date with an insightful heart that allows them to identify which Christ-centered Christians they should pursue and whom they should avoid dating.
“I would say the real key is to check for fruit. Because Jesus said, ‘You will know what kind of tree it is by its fruit.’ Because the apple tree won’t produce oranges no matter how much they want them to. If an apple tree is in the ground, no orange fruit will come out,” Gray said.
“I always try to tell believers if you’re dating someone and you want to know if this is the type of person you should commit to pursuing…how do you align yourself with a specific goal? How do you Challenge them? How do they help you grow according to your calling? …How can you push them toward what God calls them to be?
He advised Christians not to date someone solely based on how that person makes them feel, calling it a “shallow thing” to focus on.
“At what point did you realize that this person is the reason I pray more, this person is the reason I do more ministry? said Gray, adding that godly association should bring peace, not confusion.
In far too many cases, Gray said some are “turned on by toxicity” because it’s “exciting” to not know what’s next in their romantic relationships.
Gray warns that if God has not given a person peace regarding their romantic relationship, it could be because their partner is not beneficial to them.
He advised believers to be careful in their relationships if a partner does not challenge them in times when they are weak. He said it’s a red flag if a romantic partner allows them to remain “lukewarm” in their faith when dating.
Gray urged those who are new to the Christian faith not to engage in romantic relationships until they have “first established a walk with God.”
“A lot of times you get into a relationship with someone in the Church, and because of their bad example or because of what they lead you into, now you equate God with nonsense,” Gray said.
“Now your mindset about how you approach God is like “all people in the Church are fake. So I don’t care if the man I’m dating is in church or not. I don’t care if the woman is saved or not. because of a bad experience.'”
Gray urged new believers to find their identity in God before dating so they aren’t just looking for security in the person they’re involved with.
“You have to find out who God is for yourself, because when you walk with Him, then you are already safe, and now you are not necessarily looking for affirmation. You don’t need the validation of a man or a woman. so that you feel at peace,” Gray said.
Gray noted, “God will teach you what to watch out for. »
“God is going to build that discernment in you, and he’s going to show you what the fruit of the Spirit looks like,” he added.
Nicole VanDyke is a journalist at the Christian Post.
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