When my family moved from Washington state to California, my parents prepared my brother and I for a church search that could take some time. But after just one Sunday, we fell in love with a congregation, and my family is still there more than 15 years later.
When I left home for college, I hoped for the same story. Instead, I found it to be quite the opposite. In fact, until about six months ago, I had gone six years without a home church, which is a problem. familiar reality among many Gen Z Christians.
Roughly a third young people go to church less often today than before the pandemic. A 2022 study of Center for Survey of American Life found that the pandemic appears to have caused those who already had the lowest commitments to regular religious attendance — including young people, singles, and self-identified liberals — to stop going to church altogether at a rate much higher than other Americans.
Throughout my church search, I struggled with self-doubt, wondering if I was the problem: Was I just too picky in my expectations? Was I dismissing churches for superficial reasons? In my mind at the time, the reason I had not yet found a religious home was a mix of equally valid factors that contributed during my academic career.
During my first year, I visited what seemed like hundreds of churches by bus, since I didn’t have a car. And when the pandemic hit during my sophomore and junior years, I began connecting with my beloved church from home. By senior year, I was determined to find community and had freed myself from any expectations of finding an individual comparison to my home church.
I began making the 40-minute drive into town in search of a rich community of ethnically, generationally, and socioeconomically diverse believers. I decided to commit to a church I loved, regardless of the path I had to take to find it. But I quickly realized how difficult it was to integrate into an ecclesial community when you are the only one living far away: I couldn’t stop for coffee after work like the other members who all lived in the neighborhood.
Meanwhile, Sunday after Sunday, I felt the isolation of the homeless church.
One reason for this was that most of the congregations I visited were homogenous and I desperately wanted to learn and be challenged by a diverse group of people. Other reasons were a little clearer: A church I went to played Pitbull music during the offering. Another church’s website used an AI bot to “show me around,” but for any additional information on leadership and community involvement, I had to join their Slack channel. At one church I visited, the pastor made an offhand remark from the stage that struck me as a giant red flag.
I simply didn’t trust some churches, in part because of their involvement in denominations struggling with scandal or rejecting sexual abuse. Unfortunately, in this day and age, getting involved in a church often requires a delicate balance between trust in fellow worshipers and vigilance. And especially as a young woman, I wanted a place where I could allow myself to be vulnerable.
Even as the broader denomination struggles for justice and accountability, I know that some individual churches are doing well. But how do I know which congregation or church leader will be the subject of the next scandal – or whether I will not be the next victim?
Studies show that I am not alone in this fear. According to a 2022 Barna Study, 27 percent of people say their doubts about Christianity are due to past experiences with a religious institution. Anecdotally, many Gen Zers I know share the same concern that the Church simply doesn’t feel safe in the midst of so much scandal.
There is another oft-cited reason why people avoid getting involved in the Church: In my youth social circles, I hear many say that they simply haven’t found a Church that shares all of their beliefs.
This reminds me of the haunting warning that CS Lewis gives Screw letterswhere the “devil” writing to his protégé: “Surely you know that if a man cannot be cured of church attendance, the best thing to do is to send him all over the neighborhood in search of the church that “suits” him » until he becomes a taster or connoisseur of churches. .”
I’ve also heard from others who simply don’t view church as a requirement of the Christian faith. Like Daniel K. Williams writing, “What if the problem with unchurched evangelicals is not their flawed understanding of the faith, but rather evangelical theology’s lack of emphasis on the Church? » He argues that evangelicals must rediscover a compelling theology of the Church – to establish a uniquely evangelical answer to the problem. question“Why church?”
Even for me, the lies of isolation were everywhere. I went through periods where I just didn’t go to church, telling myself it wasn’t a necessity. Sometimes I would quote Matthew 18:20 to convince myself that I was still “in church” when I was with two or more people gathered in Jesus’ name.
In this way, attending a Christian college was a double-edged sword. It’s easier to avoid attending a local church when you’re constantly surrounded by a Christian community: you go to chapel three times a week and participate in the Bible program daily. But I still felt ashamed, like I was a bad Christian, whenever people asked me which church I went to. It seemed like being connected to a house church was an ultimate litmus test for my spiritual well-being.
Yet none of these excuses have ever resolved my deep desire for Christian community. Homelessness in the Church is a lonely place, and it is also a vulnerable foothold for the enemy to slip lies into our minds. Satan knows that searching for churches is exhausting and requires faith to persevere as we search for a healthy congregation that will challenge us to serve others and grow in our spiritual walks. This is why it often encourages us to apathy and indifference, to distance us from our desires for God and community. This, coupled with loneliness, can be a powerful combination.
The Church is essential to our faith, not to mention that worship in person can improve our general well-being and reduce our psychological distress. But overcoming homelessness in the Church takes time, mental energy, and emotional stamina. Many of us struggle with the resilience to cope, especially those of us who are young adults or single.
Yet there might be a hidden blessing in this very struggle. To quote Romans 5:3-5: “Not only this, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, for the love of God has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
Most of all, I am grateful that the Lord cares about our suffering and is with us through it all.
A few months ago, as I had done many times before, I entered a new church by myself, even though every ounce of my being did not want to enter the sanctuary alone. At that moment, I heard a small, still voice in my head say something that immediately gave me a sense of peace: “A church should be the safest place to be alone. »
Since then, I have attended the church’s connection class, signed up for a small group, and joined their women’s ministry. I wrote down the names of the people I meet each week to remind myself of my answered prayers for the Christian community. This Sunday I will be sitting in the sanctuary, surrounded by fewer strangers than the week before – with my Bible and my notebook, my list of priorities and an open mind – praying that this will be the place where I can plant my roots and flourish.
And as I continue to show up each week, God continues to demonstrate His faithfulness to me. Every Sunday, I thank the Lord for giving me the strength to fight against loneliness; and the more connected I am, the more my loneliness dissolves. Beyond that, I’m grateful for the opportunity to see more of God’s Kingdom at work around me and to meet others who each have their own reasons for showing up at church despite their personal obstacles.
That doesn’t mean there aren’t Sunday mornings left when I don’t want to wake up and go to church. But when I look back on some of the hardest times in my life, I see that I felt furthest from God when I wasn’t surrounded by other like-minded believers – and the only way for me to get out From those trenches was when I decided to give the church another chance.
In fact, there have been times in my life where the only reason I still hold on to my faith is because I knew other Christians were praying for me. On days when I feel angry at God or discouraged about our sinful world, I know someone is praying for me to regain a sense of hope.
In all of this, I want to remind those experiencing homelessness in the Church – especially my fellow young adults and singles – that you are not alone. Plus, you don’t have to settle for this solitude. You can be resilient and find the family God promised you.
And every time we make the decision and make the effort to show up for service on a Sunday morning, our mere presence in God’s house means that the devil has failed to heal us of the church.
Mia Staub is the Content Manager at Christianity today.
